My momma's birthday is in two days, y'all!!! The next day is MOTHER'S DAY!!! And three days after that is MY 30th BIRTHDAY!!!!!

I am so excited!!!! I am leaving on Monday to go to Miami, and from there, I am embarking on my very first cruise! I am going to Grand Cayman and to Jamaica!!!!!  I will take lots of pics, and I will update you all on the goings-on aboard the ship! I wish I was leaving today, but, in due time, I will be maxin' and relaxin' in my oceanview stateroom! I have soooooo much to do! Still gotta finish shopping, packing, parceling off my kiddies...(yup, Momma is going solo!)

I am looking forward to the beautiful sights, the experience of cruising, and a lot of inspiration...

MY THIRD DECADE ON THIS PLANET IS GOING TO BE ABOUT BIG THINGS! This is a great start!

I am not an evil person. Sure, I wish plagues on people who have done me wrong, but in the privacy of my own heart and mind, that's okay. It's only wrong when you try to speed the process up by cutting someone's brake lines on their car... or calling in an anonymous tip to the cops about the (fictional) drugs and guns that are stashed in their apartment... 

The point is, what ever your belief system is, you'd best believe that your good deeds WILL be rewarded, and your bad deeds WILL most definitely come back to kick you in your one day.

Case in point: My baby's father's B I T C H babies' momma (see the B I T C H  A N D  B A S T A R D  O F  T H E  Y E A R  A W A R D S entry) really tried to make me suffer, when in fact, she tried to take my so-called "man" from me (yes, B I T C H... I was there first!). She tried HARD, by still f*cking that man-whore when we were supposed to be "working things out" after he cheated with her and they had the first baby... For being whores (this is directed to both of them), they are now strapped with three kids (two in common) that they can't afford to take care of. (Not to mention the fact that everyone I know who has seen baby #2 doesn't believe that she could possibly be his...I wish I could post the pictures...y'all would be like:) Now, she is getting put out of her home. Call me cruel if you want... (I don't wish her babies to be out on the street), but WHAT YOU DO WILL COME BACK TO YOU...

Keep that in mind, good people, when you plan to do dirt...

I am sorry I have been gone so long... I have just been trying to figure life out. I haven't moved yet, but am able to remain sane and felony-free thanks to the Grace of God and the blessing of having such wonderful friends. My daughter's father is still a PRICK, but some things never change...

The last entry I posted, I mentioned sending a copy of my brother's CD to the Star & BucWild morning show here in NYC... well the very next day, my brother and I spoke, and he told me that their managers had a meeting with Star and had given him a CD. (Was I dead on, or what? I've got the instincts for this business!) Star, needless to say, loves the CD, and a single is going to be released on the airwaves very soon! Keep your ears open, y'all... FORTUNE is about to BLOW! Check out the link to their record company's site: www.tycoonrecordsinc.com and I have heard that the album has already been distributed for sale at Tower Records, so you can drop by your friendly neighborhood Tower Records location and BUY A CD! Also, for all you iPod® owners out there, the entire album is on iTunes®. Please support these guys. They are the most dedicated, talented artists in the game today, and I promise, YOU WON'T BE DISAPPOINTED!!!!!!

I am pissed off...

My brother's group, FORTUNE, is so talented, and so deserving of recognition. So why is is that the little indie label that they signed contracts under doesn't seem to be doing a "damn thang" (that's one of the songs on their debut album!) to see to it that they get what they deserve? Listening to the radio the other day, I heard a group called B5 singing a remake of "All I Do Is Think Of You", originally recorded by Troop. That was MY SONG! These kids (and yes, they ARE kids) butchered MY SONG! But they WERE ON THE RADIO!!!!!

WHY THE HELL ISN'T FORTUNE ON THE RADIO?

Although my brother told me what the label's "game plan" was, I am still ready to send a copy of the album to the Star and BucWild morning show on Power 105.1 over here in NYC and let them critique it. Shiiiiiiiiiiiit.... at least that will be some airtime, even if they dis it, which they couldn't possibly... because it's FIRE!!!!!

Puffy, P. Diddy, what ever the hell his moniker is nowadays, even though he is a curse, he is still getting the word out. I could get the word out my damn self... thanks to all you wonderful people who read my humble little journal... why the heck can't this label do the same?

Sorry y'all... just a little frustrated... I'll be alright...

As some of you might know, I have been looking for an apartment for damn near a year now. Maybe I was being too picky, but if you would have seen my first apartment... ...I didn't want to be too hasty. My first apartment was a tiny, completely not renovated, old apartment on the top floor of a five-story walk-up. Wow. Everytime I went grocery shopping, I had to lug the shopping cart up five flights of steps. Everytime I did laundry, same problem. It was hard. Moving in the furniture was... OMG! Wow! But I desperately needed an apartment, so when the landlord offered it to me, I jumped at the chance. I didn't think that I should "shop around", to see if I could find something nicer at the same price (or at least on a lower floor...) I just took it, and all the negatives that came with it. The kitchen and bathroom had this horrible black & white "checkerboard" tile... the white part would become so filthy, I had to mop every other day. Then, there were WATERBUGS!!!!  OMG!!! I am DEATHLY afraid of waterbugs! Not a good situation!

Now, I have two kids, and I am not planning on moving anytime soon, so I need to choose a place I can stand for years. My kids need a home that's stable, cozy, and comfortable. I now have TWO (2) places being offered to me. Yup, TWO! One is a house in the "suburbs", four bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a BACKYARD (with a basketball hoop - my son is going to pass out! He is the only 7 year-old in the world who gets up on a Saturday morning and turns the TV to ESPN!!!) That one is $1,100/mo ($1,120 if I want to keep the washing machine) and electric is not included. The other is an apartment in a complex that is 3 bedrooms G&E included in the rent (which I am not sure how much it is yet, but am told it will be no more than $1,000/mo), but it is in "tha hood", as opposed to the "suburbs"...  Both are "two-fare" zones (I'll have to take a bus to the subway), so convenience is not really a determining factor... The house sounds much better, but the apartment is closer and more convenient for my mom, who is confined to a wheelchair...

Just look at that... where I once had NO OPTIONS, I now have to CHOOSE.

GOD IS GOOD, Y'ALL!!!!!

Normally I wouldn't do this...

But I am FURIOUS! My daughter's first birthday party was this past weekend. Special occasions, holidays, all those things are very important to me, and I work very hard for those days to turn out just right and expect them to be perfect. My daughter's father and I were in the midst of a truce, just for the occasion. We went shopping for all the party supplies, games for the guests to play, everything. We were on our way back with the cake on the day of the party (mind you, guests had already arrived) when who should come running out of her car parked on MY corner? My daughter's father's (hereinafter referred to as "the bastard") babies' momma (hereinafter referrred to as "the bitch"). She walked up and said "Hey! Why don't you go upstairs, and come back down and help me with the kids?" She obviously caught the bastard offguard, because he was cursing and acting out as soon as he saw her car from across the street (nervous?)... On our way upstairs, he says in the elevator, "Listen, I don't know what's going on, but please, let's just have a nice party. You can let me have it later, after it's all over." I nicely informed him that if that bitch came to start something, I'd lay that bitch out in front of EVERYONE, but I wasn't going to start something at my daughter's first birthday party...

Anyway, to make a long story short, the bitch made herself comfortable in the living room, by herself. She never wished my daughter a happy birthday, didn't bring a gift, and on top of all that, she had the nerve to be mean-mugging me in my home around my people! And I couldn't hold her baby, because the bastard didn't want any problems! After the bitch finally couldn't take it anymore and decided to leave, I proceeded to enjoy the party. I acted like nothing had happened...that is, until the guests left... I ripped a new one into that bastard because he had the nerve to tell me that I had no reason to be mad!!!  WHAT?????????????????????

So for trying to ruin my daughter's first birthday party, Towana Royster of Brooklyn, NY gets the

*B I T C H  O F  2 0 0 5  A W A R D!*

 Congratulations you out of shape heifer! I know your youngest daughter's first birthday is coming up in a few months (who, by the way doesn't look anything like you or the bastard, yet you have the nerve to ask the bastard if he is sure MY daughter is his...) I'll be there. I, however, have the class and the resources to bring a gift, you welfare recipient!

And to the bastard, Nathaniel Gee (formerly of Marcy Projects, currently residing in the Bronx)... keep thinking shyt is sweet! I got an apartment, you penis-membrane! And no, you can't know where it is! I'll see your ass in family court when I file the petitions for FULL CUSTODY and CHILD SUPPORT, you raggedy bastard! Congratulations on receiving the

*B A S T A R D  O F  2 0 0 5  A W A R D*

 you disease carrying man-whore!

...now I am done... I feel MUCH better!

What's up, good people? As I type this, I am realizing that I am not even inspired to write this journal entry! Wow... I am just very tired of looking for an apartment, of dealing with the maggot that is my daughter's father, of everybody in my life looking to me for help, when I need help my damn self...

My poetry is suffering...I haven't written anything in months. I usually catch some inspiration in the shower, but lately, none... I feel fine, it's just that I have no time!!!! I once said that this year is going to be MY year... The year is still young, so there's still hope for me yet!

As usual, I've gotta run... see ya!

Every one of these depressed states I got through always have me feeling SUPER-HYPE afterwards, WITHOUT the assistance of medication... So right now, this is me

With that said, I don't have to explain this:

Take the quiz: "Serial Killer Quiz"

The Night Stalker
You stalk people and kill them without getting caught but everyone makes a mistake, eventually.

...hmmm... I've gotta do some research. I have NO NATURAL CLUE who that dude is...

More silliness later!

This is for all of you out there that have been worried about me. I am coming around. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel...and that's a good feeling!

I am doing emotional inventory to clean out "my house" for the New Year. I have had enough of living up to others' expectations of me. The stress of being a potential disappointment is just too much. So, I am releasing myself from the unspoken contract of being everything to everyone. I'm just Meri, just Meri, just Meri... if you can accept that, I love you for it. If not (and y'all know who you are...), it was nice knowing ya', but life goes on. I have already started... so that when I start talk therapy in January, I'll be one step ahead of the shrink! That's also a good feeling!

I wish to all my friends, acquaintances, and family A HAPPY, HEALTHY, PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR!!!